Monday, April 23, 2012

Rule #14 to Surviving Sisterhood

Rule #14 to Surviving Sisterhood is never tell your sister she’s in a bad mood. This weeks anecdote is a very short one. The last time I told my sister she was in a bad mood she beat me up…That is all.

Joke About Sister’s

John’s sister was visiting and staying at his house
One day John called home to his sister and says, "Sis I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. I know you just got to town but This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! And please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The sister thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good sibling she does exactly what her brother asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The sister welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish. He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Blue gill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"

The sister replies; "I did, they were in your tackle box."

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Rule #13 to Surviving Sisterhood

Rule #13 to Surviving Sisterhood is never mess with your sister’s homework. One time when I was mad at my sister, so I took her AP Bio lab. I ripped the pages out of the staple one by one. Then when she told me to pick them up I crumpled them up into balls and threw them at her. My sister and I go to the same school. She is in AP Bio, and I am in Honors Bio, so we have the same teacher. When our teacher asked why her lab was wrinkled, my sister told her everything. Later that day our teacher called me out of the whole class. Needless to say it was so embarrassing.

Joke About Sisters

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. 
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket." 
The man leans out and with a glint in his eye said "I've got a better idea ... let's pretend we're siblings,” 
"Why not," giggles the woman. 
"Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket." 

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Rule #12 to Surviving Sisterhood

Rule #12 to Surviving Sisterhood is never hide your sister’s things. One time, I hid my sister’s phone thinking it would be funny. She however, did not find it funny. To punish me she took my school binder and ran around the house dumping it out. As if this wasn’t bade enough…it didn’t help the situation that I’m a neat freak.
Joke About Sisters
An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a family vacation in Florida. His sister was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his sister a quick email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's sister, whose brother had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Rule #11 to Surviving Sisterhood

Rule #11 to Surviving Sisterhood is never approach your sister when she is a bad mood. Earlier today my sister was in a very bad mood. I was just lying down watching tv when she started criticizing me for the shows I was watching. She said they were childish, and I was too old to watch them. This was followed up with many other insults. Unless you want to have  horrible day, never approach your sister when she is in a bad mood.

Joke About Sisters
Two sisters, Rachel and Mary, had never been married. So they lived together all their lives even though, they hated each other. When they had a fight, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night.

A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared Mary the most... "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

They believed Mary practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. She was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.

Mary died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, her sister went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions:

Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this woman who practiced black magic and stated when she died he would dig her way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?

Rachel put down her drink and said. . .
"Nah... let her dig. I had her buried upside down!"

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Rule #10 to Surviving Sisterhood

Rule #10 to surviving sisterhood is at least seem interested. I never wear makeup or do my hair or anything like that. I basically wear my hair in a bun every day. Whenever my sister asks me about what she’s wearing, or how her hair or makeup looks, or anything like that I usually respond with an I don’t know, or I don’t care, or umm ok I guess. This makes her really upset she says it’s as if she doesn’t have a sister at all. She then walks away and asks our brother’s. Apparently I am less feminine than both of my brothers.
Joke About Sisters
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his sister’s birthday. She was really upset. Bob had a prosperous business and was a very wealthy man.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!".
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, she ran out to the driveway, and brought
the box back into her house.

She opened it and found a  scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Rule #9 to Surviving Sisterhood

Rule #9 to Surviving Sisterhood is never mention DVR. The best excuse not to give up the tv is that you are already half way through a show, therefore you are emotionally invested. DVR allows you to record that show. This is why you should never mention DVR. For example, our DVR is set to record psych automatically because it is my favorite show. If my family knew that, I would never be allowed to have the tv to watch psych because it is always recorded so I can watch it anytime I want.

Joke About Sisters
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Smithville wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate.
Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit.
Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?"
The man says, "Yep, sure do."
Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?"
The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."
Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?"
"Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."

Rule #8 to Surviving Sisterhood

Rule #8 to Surviving Sisterhood is never tell your siblings what you want.For example, I recently decided that for my birthday I wanted a teacup pig. Teacup pigs have to be the cutest animals on the face of the Earth. I told my parents and they made jokes, but I was serious. I told my siblings and they too made jokes. I wasn’t kidding. I really want a teacup pig. Now that my brothers and sister are aware of this desire they always bug me about my teacup pig, which I plan to name Porky. My brother screamed at me that I am not getting a teacup pig and that I should just shut up about the whole thing. My sister agreed with him and even went so far as to call Porky ugly. I was appalled. My parents, most likely taking this into account, said that I could not have a teacup pig. I was, and still am for that matter, very upset.

Joke About Sisters

Teacher: What's this a picture of ?
Class: Don't know, Miss. Teacher: It's a kangaroo.
Class: What's a kangaroo, miss ?
Teacher: A kangaroo is a native of Australia.
Smallest boy: Wow, my sister's married one of them