Rule #14 to Surviving Sisterhood

Rule #14 to Surviving Sisterhood is never tell your sister she’s in a bad mood. This weeks anecdote is a very short one. The last time I told my sister she was in a bad mood she beat me up…That is all.

Joke About Sister’s

John’s sister was visiting and staying at his house

One day John called home to his sister and says, "Sis I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. I know you just got to town but This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! And please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The sister thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good sibling she does exactly what her brother asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The sister welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish. He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Blue gill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"

The sister replies; "I did, they were in your tackle box."

Rule #13 to Surviving Sisterhood

Rule #13 to Surviving Sisterhood is never mess with your sister’s homework. One time when I was mad at my sister, so I took her AP Bio lab. I ripped the pages out of the staple one by one. Then when she told me to pick them up I crumpled them up into balls and threw them at her. My sister and I go to the same school. She is in AP Bio, and I am in Honors Bio, so we have the same teacher. When our teacher asked why her lab was wrinkled, my sister told her everything. Later that day our teacher called me out of the whole class. Needless to say it was so embarrassing.

Joke About Sisters

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. 
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket." 
The man leans out and with a glint in his eye said "I've got a better idea ... let's pretend we're siblings,” 
"Why not," giggles the woman. 
"Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket." 

Rule #12 to Surviving Sisterhood

Rule #12 to Surviving Sisterhood is never hide your sister’s things. One time, I hid my sister’s phone thinking it would be funny. She however, did not find it funny. To punish me she took my school binder and ran around the house dumping it out. As if this wasn’t bade enough…it didn’t help the situation that I’m a neat freak.

Joke About Sisters

An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a family vacation in Florida. His sister was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his sister a quick email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's sister, whose brother had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Hey sis: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.

Rule #11 to Surviving Sisterhood

Rule #11 to Surviving Sisterhood is never approach your sister when she is a bad mood. Earlier today my sister was in a very bad mood. I was just lying down watching tv when she started criticizing me for the shows I was watching. She said they were childish, and I was too old to watch them. This was followed up with many other insults. Unless you want to have  horrible day, never approach your sister when she is in a bad mood.

Joke About Sisters

Two sisters, Rachel and Mary, had never been married. So they lived together all their lives even though, they hated each other. When they had a fight, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night.

A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared Mary the most... "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

They believed Mary practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. She was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.

Mary died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, her sister went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions:

Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this woman who practiced black magic and stated when she died he would dig her way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?

Rachel put down her drink and said. . .
"Nah... let her dig. I had her buried upside down!"

Rule #10 to Surviving Sisterhood

Rule #10 to surviving sisterhood is at least seem interested. I never wear makeup or do my hair or anything like that. I basically wear my hair in a bun every day. Whenever my sister asks me about what she’s wearing, or how her hair or makeup looks, or anything like that I usually respond with an I don’t know, or I don’t care, or umm ok I guess. This makes her really upset she says it’s as if she doesn’t have a sister at all. She then walks away and asks our brother’s. Apparently I am less feminine than both of my brothers.

Joke About Sisters

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his sister’s birthday. She was really upset. Bob had a prosperous business and was a very wealthy man.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!".
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, she ran out to the driveway, and brought
the box back into her house.

She opened it and found a  scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Rule #9 to Surviving Sisterhood

Rule #9 to Surviving Sisterhood is never mention DVR. The best excuse not to give up the tv is that you are already half way through a show, therefore you are emotionally invested. DVR allows you to record that show. This is why you should never mention DVR. For example, our DVR is set to record psych automatically because it is my favorite show. If my family knew that, I would never be allowed to have the tv to watch psych because it is always recorded so I can watch it anytime I want.

Joke About Sisters

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Smithville wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives, their families, etc.

Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate.

Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit.

Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?"

The man says, "Yep, sure do."

Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?"

The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."

Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?"

"Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."

Rule #8 to Surviving Sisterhood

Rule #8 to Surviving Sisterhood is never tell your siblings what you want.For example, I recently decided that for my birthday I wanted a teacup pig. Teacup pigs have to be the cutest animals on the face of the Earth. I told my parents and they made jokes, but I was serious. I told my siblings and they too made jokes. I wasn’t kidding. I really want a teacup pig. Now that my brothers and sister are aware of this desire they always bug me about my teacup pig, which I plan to name Porky. My brother screamed at me that I am not getting a teacup pig and that I should just shut up about the whole thing. My sister agreed with him and even went so far as to call Porky ugly. I was appalled. My parents, most likely taking this into account, said that I could not have a teacup pig. I was, and still am for that matter, very upset.

Joke About Sisters

Teacher: What's this a picture of ? Class: Don't know, Miss. Teacher: It's a kangaroo. Class: What's a kangaroo, miss ? Teacher: A kangaroo is a native of Australia. Smallest boy: Wow, my sister's married one of them

Rule #7 to Surviving Sisterhood

This week will be a little different this blog post will be more about being a daughter than a sister. Rule #7 to surviving Sisterhood/daughterdom (if that's a word) is if you are mad at your parents and you want to make them feel badly about it then sit in a public area (of your house), put in headphones and blare really intense music. Works every time. This past week end I was spent the night out Friday, went to the Rodeo Saturday, spent the night out Saturday, and went to Strake Jesuit’s spring fling on Sunday. On Thursday night my mom got really mad at me and told me to cancel my plans for the whole weekend. I went into the dining room and started my homework, all the while I was blaring music by Skrillex. The next morning before I went to school my mom said I Could go out Friday and Saturday, but come  Sunday I was grounded and my phone was being taken away. Well today is Sunday and I went to Spring Fling, also I still have my phone. Works every time.

Joke about Sisters

Knock Knock

Brother: Who’s there

Sister: It’s your sister.

Brother: Then there is no way I am opening this door!  

Rule #6 to Surviving Sisterhood

Rule #6 to Surviving Sisterhood is never sing around your sister. One time I walked into the house singing (I say one time because I never made that mistake again). Immediately my sister ran into the room and began both singing and dancing. The singing was horrible, the dancing was even worse. Eventually my brothers came in and joined the party. It went on forever. Never again did I make the mistake of walking in the door singing.

Joke About Sisters

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. 
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." 
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. 
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'"
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?" The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde."
"She'll read it very slow."

Rule #5 to Surviving Sisterhood

Rule #5 to Surviving Sisterhood. Family is the name of the game, but like every other game there are rules. The rule for today is TRUST NO ONE.  When I was in 8^th grade I started dating this boy, who shall not be named, and I was so excited. As soon as I got in the car I told my brother. The first thing he said is are you going to tell dad. Of course, I gave the classic teenage girl response, I said no. He found this hilarious, so hilarious in fact that as soon as we got home he ran in before I could and told my dad. Every day my dad would ask me so are you still dating he who shall not be known (no Voldemort reference intended). You can imagine how awkward it was when we broke up, and the answer to the classic question changed to no. If you can’t imagine how awkward it was, take my word for it, it was very awkward. This is why I TRUST NO ONE.

Joke About Sisters

Boy 1:Why does your sister have yeast and shoe polish for breakfast?

Boy 2: I don’t know but I suppose there’s some reason.

Boy 2: Sis why do you eat yeast and shoe polish for breakfast?

Sister: I want to rise and shine.

Rule #4 to Surviving Sisterhood

Rule #4 to surviving sisterhood is always be on a team. If your brother and sister are in a fight, you need to pick a side. It is ok however, to repeatedly switch sides. If you are always switching sides you will be on good terms with both of your siblings and even if one of your siblings gets mad at you then they can’t be mean to you because they need as an ally against your other sibling. Also, it is okay for your siblings to know that you switch sides if they do then they will be even nicer to you in an attempt to keep you from switching over to the other side again. My brother and sister get into a lot of fights, usually I start out on my sister’s side, but no matter what side I am on I get a lot of benefits, because both my brother and sister can drive. After a few days I usually start the switching back and forth between teams. My siblings no I switch teams but there’s nothing they can do about it. They can’t unite against me because they’re mad at each other.

Joke About Sisters

   The sweet little girl had a violent tussle with her sister. Her mother reprimanded her, and concluded by saying: 
       
      "It was Satan who suggested to you the pulling of Jenny's hair." 
       
      "I shouldn't be surprised," the child replied musingly. "But," she added proudly, "kicking her in the shins was entirely my own idea."

Rule #3 to Surviving Sisterhood

Rule #3 to surviving sisterhood is when you find out your brother or sister is doing something that they should not be doing do not reveal said information until it is beneficial to you. For instance my mom bought a 48 pack of cookie dough and left it in the freezer out in our garage. Every day when we get home from school my sister pulls in her car the eats some cookie dough. It has been 2 or 3 weeks now and all the cookie dough is gone. The cookie dough was bought as part of a fundraiser so it was rather expensive. My mom still doesn’t know yet because I am waiting for the perfect moment to divulge this information. When is the right time to reveal you siblings secret you ask? Whenever necessary. But the rule of thumb is whatever you have on your sibling must be worse than what they have on you. Say I was failing a class and my sister knew, well if I said she ate all the cookie dough she would most likely tell my parents that I was failing a class. Failing a class is much worse than eating cookie dough so I would end up being the one in trouble not her. Now say all I did was drink a glass of soda when I wasn’t supposed to, eating $40 worth of cookie dough is much worse so she would get in trouble and my misdemeanor would get overlooked.

Joke About Sisters

Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing. ' Sis,' he said, 'I wish you'd sing Christmas carols.'

 'That's nice of you, Alfie,' she replied. 'Why ?'

'Then I'd only have to hear you once a year !'

Rule #2 to Surviving Sisterhood

Rule # 2 to Surviving Sisterhood is don’t annoy the siblings that can drive. My older brother and sister can both drive.  I remember when I was about 12 my brother was driving my little brother, my older sister, and myself home from school. He was in a really bad mood and wanted no talking the whole ride home, so of course my little brother and I had to sing. Plus, technically, singing is not talking. He repeatedly told us to “shut up” but we just wouldn’t listen. He threatened to kick us out of the car, multiple times. We didn’t believe him so we continued to wow him with our melodious voices. That’s when it happened. He actually pulled over and told us to get out. My little brother started to get out, but I said I would not go. Hearing this, my older brother became furious. He got out of the car and pulled me out of the back seat. Then he drove away. He came back 2 seconds later and told us to get back in, but I knew my parents would be home soon so I said no. Then my parents came home to see me and my little brother walking home. The asked what happened. We said our brother kicked us out of the car. He got in trouble (LOL). But upon hearing the ENTIRE story, it was I who got in trouble :C (not LOL).

Now time for a Joke

Sister: You know you’re adopted, right? You’re actually related to a member of the family next door.

Idiot Brother: Really?!? Which member???

Genius Sister: The dog.

Idiot Brother:  >:(  (making angry face)

Genius Sister: LOL

(I came up with this joke myself, but I got the idea from a similar joke on free-funny-jokes.com)

Rule #1 to Surviving Sisterhood

Hey, I'm Madi .I am the third of four children. There are two boys and two girls, hence the blog name 2 on 2. In my 14 years I have learned a few things about surviving sisterhood. In this blog I will share those things with you.  My future posts will most likely consists of a rule to help you survive sisterhood, a personal anecdote in which this rule applies, and a joke about sisters. Rule #1 to Surviving Sisterhood is if you want to keep something, hide it. Oh, and here's another tip do not brag to your siblings about the fact that you hid something and they haven't found it yet. They will tell your mother and get you in trouble. My older brother, sister, and I are all obsessed with Ramen noodles. We cannot agree on the best flavor. Their favorite flavor is shrimp; mine is beef. One thing we do agree however is the worst flavor, chicken. Even so, that is the kind my mother always buys. Last week she bought chicken and beef; ten of each. I put 5 of each out in the snack bowl for the family. Then I put 5 chicken and 5 beef in a secret place. My brother is 18 and eats like a mad man so 20 Ramen go 3 days max (if that). I hid 10 so that even when we ran out, there would still be more for me. One day my sister was yelling about how chicken was all that was left. I told her that I knew where more beef was, but she couldn't have any. She told my mom (what a childish thing for a 16 year old to do, but she did it anyway). My mom yelled at me, a lot, about how I didn't pay for it so I should share. Now I'm starving and craving Ramen, but all that is left is the stupid chicken flavor. 

Joke about Sisters

Once upon a time there were three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, and they all lived together. 

One night the 96 year old ran a bath. She put one foot in and paused. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yelled.

The 94 year old hollered back, "I don't know. I'll come and see." She started up the stairs and stopped. She shouted, "Was I going up or coming down?"

The 92 year old sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sister’s shook her head and said, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful," and knocked on wood for good measure. 

Then she yelled, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door." (from clean joke.com)